Colin Dullaghan

Okay, let me just take this tiny hammer here and tap on your tooth…
[WHAM WHAM WHAM INSIDE HEAD]
No? That doesn’t hurt too much?
Good.
Now I’ll just take this little pokin’ stick and ju-u-ust nudge there a little bit.
[RANDOM PRODDING AGAINST LOWER JAW]
Ok? Good.
Now, one last thing Mr. Dullaghan, I’ll get out the [...]

Any time you make eye contact with my cat Noah he meows at you for food.
I find myself lowering my head when I walk past him now, knowing that if he doesn’t see me seeing him he probably won’t say anything.
In this way, passing the food bowl at my house is like pulling up [...]

My tooth hurts
and my credit card bill is too high
and my projects at work are turning out dorky
and electronic dog collar batteries don’t last very long
and the motorcycle runs badly
and my facial hair comes in orange.
But there is dew on the grass
but there is orange juice in the fridge
but my dog stays put anyway [...]

I have a perfectly good motorcycle in the garage, a four-year-old, good-running motorcycle with less than six thousand miles on it.
And yet, and yet, this morning I chose to take The Other Bike, a 1983 Honda Sabre VF750S. As the standard age anecdote, I’ll point out that if this machine were human it would [...]

They say you get what you pay for with a haircut, and they’re full of crap. Evidently the people who believe that have never seen the buzz-cut hedgehog perched atop my scalp this morning.
Twelve bucks. Twelve bucks! I even tipped her a dollar, but that was mainly out of pity.
It’s not like I [...]

The story goes that someone once challenged Hemingway, who wrote like this guy, to tell a story in just six words.
“For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Used” was the result, and it’s said that the old man was especially proud of this short, short, midget-pygmy-stunted-homunculi story, even though Penelope says it’s not really a story. I [...]

Things I Didn’t Get To Do This Weekend Because We Brought Along An 11-Year-Old
* Go out sailing and drinking beer on a lake* Hang out on my back porch and do nothing* Make Margaritas for Penelope and me* Take a quick nap on the couch* Attend a cookout with friends* Read magazines at my leisure* [...]

“Are you alright?” the dentist asked, studying my dilated pupils and rapid breathing. “You look kind of pale.”
“Uh, I’m fine,” I said. “Did you see me when I came in? I’m somewhat Irish, and generally pretty pale anyway.”
“No, your lips are purple,” she said. “Are you feeling some side effects from those numbing shots? [...]

Here’s what I submitted to Nuvo, a local newspaper, following a visit Sunday to what could have been the World’s Largest Water Balloon Fight, but wasn’t. You’re getting the unedited version – the newspaper version had to be cut down by a couple paragraphs for space reasons, which is entirely understandable.
*****
Hundreds of preschoolers and preschooler-impersonators [...]

Perhaps an experienced event planner or personal scheduler – I am neither – could tell you this, but nothing ever goes smoothly the first time.
I was just listening to John Linnell’s “State Songs” album, and the “South Carolina” track reminded me distinctly of Penelope and I’s bedroom drapes, which were sewn for us by [...]

Because he was a little hoarse!

“A fastball is a good idea here, but I was thinking more along the lines of nap.”
“Yes, on the condition that you stop pointing to your crotch.”
“Okay, but do you really think that will work?”
“No, and I’m offended by the offer.”
“Not the hanging curveball. I never could throw the hanging curveball.”
“Sorry, I missed that last [...]

Someone once complimented me on my excellent detective skills. “Man, Colin,” he said. “You can find just about anything.” I recall blushing violently and replaying the compliment in my head for days to come.
It made me so happy, this generous declaration, that I didn’t for one second dwell on the fact of it being [...]

This morning, during one of our frequent debates about the nature of our cat – I say he’s okay; Lope says he’s a jerk – my wife said something that made me very happy.
“It’s amazing to me that you’re so smart, and so insightful, and yet on some things your viewpoint is completely simple-minded [...]

Carb Day Originally uploaded by This Guy Colin.
So I went to Carburetion Day at the track this year. I saw a lot of things there that day, many of them things I didn’t really want to see, but I did enjoy these two women loitering outside [...]

With his 1992 smash “Baby Got Back,” Sir Mix-A-Lot voiced the unspoken sentiments held by legions of booty-loving men, while at the same time validating the ample figures of countless spurned women. He did not, however, welcome everyone.
To wit:“‘Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin’…”
“When a girl walks in with a itty-bitty [...]

With his 1992 smash “Baby Got Back,” Sir Mix-A-Lot voiced the unspoken sentiments held by legions of booty-loving men, while at the same time validating the ample figures of countless spurned women. He did not, however, welcome everyone.
To wit:“‘Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin’…”
“When a girl walks in with a itty-bitty [...]

With his 1992 smash “Baby Got Back,” Sir Mix-A-Lot voiced the unspoken sentiments held by legions of booty-loving men, while at the same time validating the ample figures of countless spurned women. He did not, however, welcome everyone.
To wit:“‘Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin’…”
“When a girl walks in with a itty-bitty [...]

With his 1992 smash “Baby Got Back,” Sir Mix-A-Lot voiced the unspoken sentiments held by legions of booty-loving men, while at the same time validating the ample figures of countless spurned women. He did not, however, welcome everyone.
To wit:“‘Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin’…”
“When a girl walks in with a itty-bitty [...]

With his 1992 smash “Baby Got Back,” Sir Mix-A-Lot voiced the unspoken sentiments held by legions of booty-loving men, while at the same time validating the ample figures of countless spurned women. He did not, however, welcome everyone.
To wit:“‘Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin’…”
“When a girl walks in with a itty-bitty [...]