Everything I Know I Learned from Lumbergh
Management secrets discovered in popular cinema
The Indianapolis Star, Published 2006

Modern-day managers look in lots of places for leadership advice—books, seminars, silly articles in newspapers—but the key to effective management may lie no further than the shelves of your local video store.

And not just Michael Corleone’s shrewd manipulations in The Godfather II, or Alec Baldwin’s tirades in Glengarry Glen Ross, or even the icy hand of Keyser Söze in The Usual Suspects—though those are all good starts. For the real insights, head over to the comedy section.
Consider this gem from the 1980 comedy Nine to Five, in which Violet (Lily Tomlin) sets her boss (Dabney Coleman) straight on how to address her: “I’m no ‘girl’; I’m a woman. ...I am your employee and as such I expect to be treated with a little dignity and a little respect.” Then they tie him up in his boxer shorts, if I remember correctly.

So if you’re a manager and you value your people (and prefer not being held at gunpoint by Dolly Parton) you might want to listen to Violet—your workers most likely share her feelings. (Then again, maybe not: Maggie Gyllenhaal’s characterization of a happily humiliated assistant to James Spader’s sadistic attorney in 2002’s Secretary being one exception to the rule.)

The wisdom of cinema can also teach us about cultural differences in the workplace. Who could forget Michael Keaton as Hunt Stevenson, the cheeky wise-guy liaison between the American autoworkers and the Japanese car manufacturers in the 1986 feature Gung Ho?
When boss Kazihiro scorned him for his insolence, saying “None of you would last two days in management training”, Hunt retorted, “None of us would be dumb enough to stay two days.”

Some local business people have already started taking their cues from the silver screen. Matt Kiger, Vice President of Halakar Real Estate, claims he’s learned a lot from the movie Anchorman—particularly regarding diversity, which he defines as “an old, old wooden ship used in the Civil War era.” Kiger also advocates fondness for office supplies, admitting, “I love lamp.”

Eric Davis, co-owner of Vision3, cites Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, as an influence. “The lesson, to me, is clear” says Davis. “If you lead your men to some secret island to steal an Aztec treasure that ends up cursing you all to an eternity as creepy walking skeletons, well, they’re liable to hold it against you.”

Generally regarded as the most accurate comedy—at least regarding cubicle life—is Mike Judge’s 1999 masterpiece Office Space. It’s practically a Dilbert cartoon brought to life in how it looks at the absurdities of modern-day employment with equal parts humor and exasperation.

Remember when Joanna’s manager at the restaurant tried to persuade her to start wearing 37 pieces of flair? He found out very quickly that you should establish what’s expected of your workers early on—otherwise you run the risk of getting flipped off, along with several of your customers and any line cooks who happen to be standing there.

And remember when Peter tries to break it gently to his coworker about Initech’s plans to outsource the guy’s position?

In an instant, Michael Bolton goes from loyal, obedient programmer (“I don’t want to rock the boat; I’ve got a good job here”) to righteous, belligerent gangsta (“I gave those bastards my mid-20s!”)

And we all know what follows righteous belligerence—secret pacts, computer viruses, copier assault, misplaced decimal points, buildings set on fire and so on. Ignoring and exploiting your employees is a risky business practice. Mmm-kay?

For risk combined with management tips, though, look no further than 1987’s Predator. You simply won’t find another jungle-based sci-fi flick with more cast members who went on to govern states. You’ve got Arnold Schwarzenegger (California) and Jesse Ventura (Minnesota), and don’t forget that Sonny Landham (“Billy”) was almost put in charge of Kentucky a few years back.

With this crew, you’d expect this film’s 107 minutes to include some timeless lessons of leadership, and it delivers: Finding the keys to exuding power and authority (cigars, giant biceps), How to enter an unfamiliar setting (fan out, five meter spread, no sound), What to do when caught off-guard (spray the jungle with bullets), and how to cope when facing a superior competitor (cover yourself in mud).

But then, of course, there’s the true gem of Predator wisdom, the sentiment held most dear by businesspeople everywhere—especially people in the entertainment, political and investment industries—a strategic message of encouragement delivered about halfway through the movie from Schwarzenegger to his elite squad of commandos:

“If it bleeds, we can kill it.”

See? You don’t need an MBA to find what it takes to succeed in business today. Just a Blockbuster card.